Questioning

So, Wayland is on his way home from Ghana West Africa where he has spent the past week loving, listening, helping, and learning from the people there. Doing things with an eternal purpose.

I have spent the past week in my car. Not the entire week, but it sure feels close.

It got me to thinking how mundane it can feel to be a mom. How draining it can be to hear “Mom!” and “Mom?” and “MMMOOOOOOOMM!!!!” so many times a day.

Luke is in a stage right now where as long as his eyes are open (and he is not in school), his mouth never stops moving. Seriously. What’s worse is he’s not just talking. He’s asking non-stop questions. Hundreds and hundreds of questions. Most of them have to do with football, which is his most recent obsession. In the past week, I have been asked about every scenario in a football game, about every team, every play, every Super Bowl, when Nate’s first game will be, when Philip’s first game will be, when his very first game will be, what if they are all at the same time, who will I watch first…and that is only in about a 10 minute period of time. Then we do it all again. When I’ve had enough, I change the big boys’ names to “Mom” so they can answer the same questions…one more time. If Luke happens to move into a room by himself, he doesn’t stop talking. No, he commentates the football game he is playing by himself where he is the center, the quarterback, the wide receiver and the kicker all in synchronized order. Honestly, it is exhausting. We are quite a ways off from August and the start of the season; I fear for my sanity if this level of interest continues.

This, coupled with the hundreds of miles I put on my car this week trying to get everyone where they need to be (Nate did actually drive many of those miles, with me in the passenger’s seat - sometimes overreacting when the roads were extra wet and slippery, but most of the time staying calm and collected – even when he did some Interstate driving), and the fact that my car wouldn’t start last night, and Luke and I were stuck in a parking lot in the snow after running some errands to pass the time before we had to pick up the older three has left me a little rum-dumb. (Without the rum, mind you). (Although, there were a few nights this week I may have indulged given the opportunity).

All this to say, sometimes my weeks don’t feel like they are making an eternal difference. I think it is easy to feel like in all the “doing” that comes with running our household, I sometimes see my job as “Mom” as far less important than those who seem to be world changers.

In His gentle kindness, God is reminding me that maybe my job right now is to raise some world changers. When I listen to them, correct them, encourage them, pray with them; when I look for every opportunity to teach them a life lesson in situations that arise in our daily life, maybe I am making an eternal difference. I miss the mark many times, but every day I wake with a renewed desire to raise them up in the love and admonition of the Lord. (Eph 6:4)

This morning we dropped Ruby off at the vet to be spayed (I initially typed “spayed and neutered,” but that isn’t technically possible since Ruby is only a female). (Thank you, Bob Barker and years of watching Price is Right as a kid for making me think that was actually one thing for far too long than I care to admit).

(I am using a lot of parenthesis today). (Sorry).

Anyway, on our way to drop Ruby off, Anna was getting emotional and started to cry. While I was consoling Anna with my “logic,” Luke interrupted and asked if we could pray.

Yeah, that’ll humble you real quick.

He’s been doing this often lately. Initiating the idea that we take our questions, our fears, our concerns to God. For instance, he couldn’t find the book he was doing a book report on the other day and this seriously started to stress him out. I started to ask him where he had it last, and he stopped me and told me he was going to pray about it. Five minutes later he came down with the book in his hand and tears in his eyes. He had found the book between his upper bookshelves and the lower cabinet. Behind stacks of books and papers (he has a tendency towards hoarding), completely out of sight and not easily accessible. I asked him why in the world he thought to ever look there as he had to clear the entire shelf and cabinet to get to it, and he said “I felt like that was what God was telling me.”

Again with the humbling.

I joined him in tearing up and told him I was so thankful he had asked Jesus what to do when he felt worried. I was so excited that the Holy Spirit had whispered to him where to find the book and that He cared for something that might seem insignificant to many, but was a really big deal in Luke’s eyes.

Just like the Holy Spirit speaks to me when I question my purpose and deal with my own feelings of insignificance.

I’m beyond blessed to have a Savior and friend who loves me like He does. To have been given a family that I love and adore like crazy. To have a husband whose faith is strong and who walks confidently where God leads Him. To have kids that keep me humble, test my patience, scare me to pieces, and teach me little lessons from God above.

 

 

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